Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Tin Foil Hats

My friend and neighbor and I were talking about tin foil hat wearers, he's a psychologist, and he told me that when one of his patients migrates to wearing said apparel, they show a marked improvement at first, over time though, the hats seem to lose their effectiveness. He credited it to a diminishing placebo effect. Myself, being a former Aviation Electrician, offered a different explanation. Metallic objects moving through space build up a charge of static electricity. Sooner or later that charge will find a way to ground be it by overcoming the resistance of an existing conduit or by jumping the gap, like what happens in a spark plug. When that action occurs, the brain's electrochemical properties are affected. This principle holds whether the reason for the hat is due to directed beams (black ops or aliens) or simply existence in our electromagnetically charged atmosphere.

After many conversations along these lines, we came up with a device that actually works to eliminating the diminishing returns of the Tin Foil Hat. It works by using the same principles that airplanes use by having trailing wires on their wings to bleed off this charge. Electrical technicians also utilize grounding wires to overcome this problem. Easy enough to fabricate, we ask only that you respect our copyright and not manufacture them in commercial quantities. We call it "1up." If you are unable to build one yourself, we will be happy to make one for you for a small donation to cover labor and material. Simply contact me via my email: thetexancyclist at hotmail dot com.


Now, into the circle file...

Friday, October 06, 2006

Indian Wars

In honor of the five year anniversary of the invasion of Afghanistan and the Five hundred and fourteenth Anniversary of the invasion of the Western Hemisphere:

A weekend framed in celebration
Of a process flamed by insinuation
Easily explained as continuation
Of the Glorious Indian War.

Columbus came to expand the slave trade
Casting blame, breaking promises made.
Creating shame is blatantly played
In the Glorious Indian War.

Don’t teach your children how to think
They’ll only grow despondent
Indoctrinate and teach them hate
Then join them being sombulent.

All hail the famed red, white, blue nation
Conquering lamed by inducing starvation
More of the same through indoctrination
For the Glorious Indian War.

Let us pray and continue our situation
Of conquering prey and domination
Ignore the way we have entered stagnation
With the Glorious Indian War.

Now, into the circle file...

Friday, September 15, 2006

Iran=No Nukes Kazakhstan=No to No Nukes

Found this in the comments section of the above linked post which tells the tale of the treaty between Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, and Turkmenistan which created the first nuclear-weapons free zone in the Northern Hemisphere (New Zealand led the southern):

BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS

Terrorist School Teacher Arrested, as reported first on CNN

NEW YORK- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor,a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he
believes the man is member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did
not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of mathinstruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by
means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes."
So glad to see that humor at least still survives in these sad times. While it might not be original, I seem to remember it from early on in the Residents first term, it deserves to be recycled.

Now, into the circle file...